Life is a mystery. It has a way of forcing us to question the very things we hold closest to our hearts.
For many women, happiness often looks simple: To feel loved, safe, and fulfilled, especially in matters of the heart. We long to be chosen wholeheartedly, to build homes rooted in peace, and to experience the kind of love that feels secure.
Yet for many women, reality looks nothing like that dream. Sometimes, the very thing we crave becomes the very thing that breaks us. Love and intimacy are two words that are often associated with warmth, safety, and connection, and can sometimes become weapons in the wrong hands.
To many people, love is a feeling. To me, love is a choice. It is choosing someone every day and making them feel secure in that choice.
One of the most painful experiences a woman can endure is realizing that she is merely an option to someone she has fully chosen. Being treated as temporary; physically, emotionally, and mentally creates cracks in relationships that often grow into something far darker.
Sometimes those cracks become abuse. Sometimes they become violence, and sometimes, they destroy entire families.
I know this because I am the product of such a relationship, and the truth is it rarely ends well.
Not for the people involved, and certainly not for the children forced to witness it.
There is something deeply heartbreaking about watching your mother be torn apart by the very man who helped bring you into this world. A child should never have to witness their mother being humiliated, broken, or reduced to tears.
But I did, and for a long time, my understanding of love was shaped by pain.
To me, love looked like shouting. It looked like betrayal. It looked like fear, and sometimes, it looked like silence.
My home was falling apart, yet we pretended everything was normal.
At a very young age, silence became the survival tool my mother and I relied on. In many African homes, including my own, women are often taught never to expose what happens behind closed doors. We are told not to air our family’s struggles in public, especially when it concerns marriage.
So we stayed silent, and that silence slowly began to destroy us from the inside.
Violence does not happen overnight.
It evolves. It grows, and it often begins in ways people overlook.
The first stage was emotional and psychological abuse.
I remember hearing my father throw painful insults at my mother, words that no woman should ever hear from someone who claims to love her. He called her degrading names and constantly attacked her worth.
What hurt even more was knowing my mother remained faithful to him despite everything. She honored her vows, even while being deeply mistreated by the man she loved.
My father, however, did not offer her that same loyalty.
He was unfaithful, and as if betrayal was not enough, he secretly went ahead and traditionally married another woman behind my mother’s back.
Then he would humiliate her openly, even in my presence.
I still remember him saying in Kikuyu:
“Uriciria ta mburi.”
“You think like a goat.”
Even now, those words sting.
Then came the physical abuse. What began as pushing quickly escalated into slaps. Slaps became beatings, and the beatings became moments I wish I could erase from my memory.
I remember hearing my mother scream, a sound so piercing it still echoes in my mind. I ran toward her only to witness something no child should ever see.
Her skin had been badly wounded. There was blood. There was pain, and standing at the center of it all was my father.
The reason?
She confronted him about his infidelity, and in his rage, he punished her for speaking up. That memory lives inside me, and it is only one of many.
The final stage of abuse is often death, and that is the most terrifying reality of domestic violence. So many people remain in abusive homes hoping things will change.
They stay because of children.
They stay because of fear.
They stay because society tells them endurance is strength, but too often, silence becomes a death sentence.
I often think about how different life could have been if someone had spoken up sooner. If someone had intervened. If someone had told my mother that surviving should never require suffering.
Today, I carry these memories with me, not as chains, but as reminders of the kind of life I refuse to accept. I have learned that love should never require silence.
Love should never leave bruises. Love should never make someone feel disposable, and love should never feel like war.
If we truly want to break cycles of violence, it all begins at home.
In how we raise our sons.
In how we teach our daughters their worth.
In how fathers model love.
In how mothers remind their children that respect is non-negotiable, because children are always watching, and often times, they grow into what they witness.
My story is painful, but it is real, and if telling it helps even one woman choose herself, speak up, or walk away before it is too late, then every word was worth writing.
My Mind Penned Down 
This is great work Zoe 🙂. Looking forward to the controversy especially 😂.
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Congrats on starting your blog Priscillah! So proud of you!!
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Great mind.More Grace to you dear .
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Congrats for starting this platform 🙏 you are a strong lady
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My dear you are so brilliant…you call recall from tender age young kids are angels plain book . , you are choosen seed . You will touch so many soul that will blossom be strong better trees.
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An awesome read
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Zoe ,You’re a brilliant,beautiful,intelligent and hardworking girl ,Despite what Dad did to your Mom ,you still forgive him ,I can say you have a soft heart dear.
So sorry for what you had through at a young age .
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Just watched you on Lynns channel, you’re amazing dear. Your fearlessness is one of the virtues you gain from coming from this kind of home. Let it propel you to greatness far beyond your imagination. I used it and it worked for me. I married a wonderful man , which has rewritten my story……… but, can you believe that I am still healing up till now, at almost 6 decades? I still feel this sense of loss sometimes when some things happen, probably because I am not opportuned to tell my story openly like you, you know, this keeping household dirty linen in the family. Domestic abuse has to stop, it damages the children of such relationships. I wish you success in your life and this advocacy.
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You are a STAR,you carried it all so well no matter how HEAVY it was..with so much empathy you are a COUNSELLOR even before you study for it. I wish you nothing but the best.
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You have really expressed the pain you went through as a child. Seeing the so call protector turning to be a monster. Mums are undergoing brutality in the name of saving marriages but this cannot go on forever. I love your openness, no man will ever cross your way with stupidity. I love your brains. Fight for all mums who are in same abuse.
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It is such a touching story,,being in a toxic and threatening environment and still breath into it hoping for things to change only takes the bravery of a few individual like you dear.you’ve lived by the grave of God,, your work is so amazing 😍 continue putting more light to those in a dark tunnel.
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Zoe you are indeed a phenomenal,a woman of substance…I pray that you and your mum ❣️ you heal,joy, peace and happiness be portion of your life. .. whatever your mum has lost over the years may it be restored back in double portions…..Zoe I pray that God will open His miracleous ways you go to university
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No child should go through what you have been through. I pray you heal by all means possible.
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You are such a strong soul may you find total healing
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Zoe so proud of you girl keep on keeping on be the voice of your generation looking forward to reading more about you baby girl you’re going far, you are destined for greatness
Just woow, wokw
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Wow! Congratulations Zoe…..I’m in love with whatever you are doing. you are such a focused intelligent young woman. You are going places and God will see you through always. Being a young man 2yrs older than you wish you well and your mother,may she be granted in millions whatever she lost.
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Such a an amazing child ,all those wards coming from you, literally I dnt have anything to tell you bcoz you HV just said it all,keep protecting your mum doll,nothing more left and God will open ways for you guys ,good thing you forgave your dad not many will do that but you such a good and wel raised up lady,I can typ alot but may God be with you,
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Hi, dear I watched you and your mum on Lynn Ngugi show. You both were destined to be together. Your story will change other people’s perspectives on life and yours has also changed. You are a great soul and you are beautiful. You shall pursue your dreams baby girl. Lots of love 💗💗💗
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Zoe, you are so brilliant and so strong person. Regardless of what you went through, you are not intimidated or shy but bold and tell it as it is. May God open your doors for education!!
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I pray you find healing 🙏..I pray your mum finds the peace and joy she’s lost for so many years…the years ahead are the best yet to come for you guys..you are loved.
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Brilliant
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Zoe, you are the most intelligent and strong person of your age I have come across. I hope you heal from all the trauma and that God takes you to places that you have never imagined because you deserve it. Go go gal the world is your stage. Big fan of Priscilla Zoe now😍
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